WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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