You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He passed out mid-signature
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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