Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
