K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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