I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she peed on how many people?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
