She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he was CRYING into my vagina
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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