oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
