I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
