Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
