I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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