I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
