there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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