Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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