i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
