Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
