I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
