We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
