I just saw a hot homeless man
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
