if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
