Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
