Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
