I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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