Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
