wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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