I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
