Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
