At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
