Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
