I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
