just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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