I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
