I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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