It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
