I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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