My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
