No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
