Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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