Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
