i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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