and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
