dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
