Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
either way he was missing a nipple.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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