Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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