There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
