You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
