i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
