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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
