I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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