I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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