Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
